another nightmare

It was so terrible that I am almost certain it was another direct insult from the devil.

In my dream, I asked my brother to help me move heavy stuff. He bailed on me. And neither my parents nor my friends were willing to offer me any comfort or support. I was so tired and hopeless, lying on the side of the road, and it was raining. It felt like the whole world had abandoned me.

He surely knows where is my weakest point.

The bright side is that I have been feeling fine today. I think God is with me, everywhere and every moment, reminding me that his love can heal all the brokenness of my heart and his power can conquer anything.

the pursuit of happiness

This was the topic of today's sermon. It was not an easy one, but I think our pastor did a good job. I look forward to the rest talks of this series.

What he reminded us of today was that circumstances should not affect how much joy we experience when we live in Christ, and giving would bring us more happiness. It sounds lame, but he presented it well by relating Jesus's teaching with his own experience. Jesus sees us and knows us. We are broken-hearted, but we are blessed by God.

Rui went with me to the church today. I hope the messages spoke to her as well.

family

Last week the OSU team said good-bye to us during the service. I tried, but I couldn't stop my tears. I was proud of those people. I felt inspired by their courage. In the meantime, I felt very sad knowing they were leaving soon, including my favorite pastor.

Then I suddenly realized that I had regarded NLC as my family, although I had complaints about this church. The fact is that I had been falling in love with it and its people.

That was a piece of new information to myself.

last night's talk

The topic of this talk was "how science is consistent with Christianity", given by a famous professor in our university. It was ok, but definitely not the best presentation I had heard.

On my way home, I told my friends who went with me to the talk that I might be able to give a better presentation on this topic. They were very interested and said that they wanted to hear it if I get it together.

Way back in time, Brian and I talked about how we could do something together. I sensed this might be a good chance because he is very good at reasoning. Hopefully he will agree on my proposition.

Sidenote: it was interesting (or sad) to see that some Christians easily got into emotional argument because of different views on some minor issues or different understanding of some sentences from the Bible. Was the arguement really for the sake of God, or their own pride?

The same question applies to the issue that has concerned a lot of Chinese people now. When religion and politics meet, things get complicated and sometimes very ugly. Some people have their own intentions.

spiritual low

This is what I have now. There are too many doubts in my head that are apparently ruining my relationship with God. Maybe I need to stop reading the Old Testament for a while.

I know there is no way that I could fully understand his way. And I need to trust him. But I can't.