Tuesday, January 27, 2009

gain and loss

Where do I spend most of my energy? Probably the defect of my relationships.

I have been trying to appreciate things about other people. And I know I have been making progress. However, it is easier to do that if the person is around.

Sometimes I see that each relationship is like a bank. When I have enough, I tend not to care much about what I give or what I get or if I could make a balance. But when my saving is low, I tend to put my guard up high and only give when I can get, which is the main cause of my misery.

When a friend disappoints me, my first response is to guard what I still have and refuse to give more of myself. Or when I feel someone is attacking me, instead of showing grace, I want to fight back and get even with that person.

I have been focusing on too much of what I gain in this world, while my actual loss is uncountable. It is not supposed to be this way.

If I could let God's light shine through me, I would never have to worry about running out. His love is abundant and never dries. I should be like the richest person in this world.

I have choices to make. To let God in. To give without counting.