the key

After I became a Christian, I found myself more pessimistic about human beings. Really, if there is no God, why should we even care about others? We are just a bunch of selfish creatures. So when it comes to relationships, especially those in troubles, it is quite risky to count on the best in a person to make the relationship work.

I talked to a friend last Sunday about her troubled relationship. She asked for my advice, and I basically told her not to expect to change the other person, but she certainly needs to be responsible for her own decision in life. Besides that, I told her that unless we make God the center of our relationships, we will most likely end up in a no-win situation. We would want to prove that we are right, or we deserve more. Even if the major fault does belong to the other party, without God most of our actions are still due to selfish reasons, which won't save the relationship.

Only from our relationship with God can we possibly learn how to work on our earthly ones.

ranting

God has been giving me a lot of wisdom over things, for which I am very thankful. At the same time, he is keeping me humble by showing me how sinful I still am.

There is something I still struggle with, but there is no solution to that. From time to time I get scared by how dark my thoughts are. I wonder if any of my friends will remain friends with me if they truely know me. Also, my closest friends are not Christians. So I try not to tell them anything related with my Christian friends that bothers me, which leaves me in a lonely island sometimes.

Today I felt judged by a friend, which hurt me much at that moment due to many reasons. I again felt there was no channel for me to vent my frustrations with certain people. No one can accept me entirely, except Jesus.

When he met the woman at the well, although he knew her all along, he didn't criticize her for what she did. Instead, he provided to her what she really need. I need affirmation from my friends that no matter what I say or do, they love me and have faith in me even though they can't quite understand or approve of it.

so here is the plan

Last night I talked to Rui for about an hour. Regarding certain questions, I mentioned that my view had been altered after I converted. She told me that she attempted to read the Bible but it was too difficult.

Here is something I have had in my mind for a really long time. I want to be able to convey the message freely in an "user-friendly" yet systematic way to my friends and family. Maybe I can start with one person.