ranting

God has been giving me a lot of wisdom over things, for which I am very thankful. At the same time, he is keeping me humble by showing me how sinful I still am.

There is something I still struggle with, but there is no solution to that. From time to time I get scared by how dark my thoughts are. I wonder if any of my friends will remain friends with me if they truely know me. Also, my closest friends are not Christians. So I try not to tell them anything related with my Christian friends that bothers me, which leaves me in a lonely island sometimes.

Today I felt judged by a friend, which hurt me much at that moment due to many reasons. I again felt there was no channel for me to vent my frustrations with certain people. No one can accept me entirely, except Jesus.

When he met the woman at the well, although he knew her all along, he didn't criticize her for what she did. Instead, he provided to her what she really need. I need affirmation from my friends that no matter what I say or do, they love me and have faith in me even though they can't quite understand or approve of it.