bitterness

I am bitter. I have been in that place before. It is getting lighter, but it never really dies.

I don't think I have done anything wrong. I was able to be there for a friend. Although that friend keeps complaining about life ignoring the fact that I am in a much worse situation, I should not hold anything against that person.

I guess one of the reasons for my bitterness is that I thought I could have the same support, but I am disappointed. Again, giving with the expectation of equal return is not working here. It also makes me angry that people are not grateful for good things in their lives. They might have a good heart, but their attitude pulls me down.

Somehow it makes me doubt myself too. I won't deny that I am jealous of what that person is getting, but I am confident that it's a minor fact in this state of mind. That person apparently has a lot of friends. So am I the only person who is being impatient and insensitive?

Right now I am holding back from this friendship just to protect the well-being of my mental status. I want to be understanding and supportive no matter how I am struggling with my own life. However, I have to set the boundary so that I won't be dragged along. On one hand, that person's situation is not that bad at all. On the other hand, I am not ready yet to stand strong when people pour their negative thoughts on me. I too need the truth, love and encouragement.

Openning up and loving others makes us vulnerable. It is hard enough doing that for friends. And God asked us to love all the sinners. How amazing is that!

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Psalm 27
11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.