not qualified

It is still difficult for me to call myself a Christian. There are three major stumbling blocks.

First, I know too little about the Bible. I have been trying to read books about Christianity, and I know some passages, but it is just not enough. I know a lot of people would like to challenge Christians in order to prove that Christianity is nonsense. I don't want God's name contaminated by my own ignorance. I want myself to be able to stand firm without feeling intimidated. So I need to know much much more.

Secondly, even if I knew better, I don't know if my faith is going to sustain the trials. Brian told me the story of the Iraqi boy who stood by being a Christian and was killed by the soldiers. Well, I am sure that I would give in. I would turn my back on God more than three times. I pray everyday that God help me strengthen my faith. I don't know how he would do it, but that's the only way I could approach it---by turning to him.

Thirdly, I still have many doubts. I can't even identify them now as I could before. It is like you can feel the existence of the enemies in the dark but you don't know where exactly your targets are. Even though I am able to talk about Christianity with other people, deep in my heart I know part of it is just talking.

The good thing is that I know he is constantly working on me. And if I seek with my heart, he will give me what I want.