reflection

I was reading "the screwtape letters" during my last NY trip. It had been a while since I felt my faith was at a plateau again. Sometimes it felt alright. Sometimes it brought me frustrations because I was not sure if there was a growth at all. In one of the chapters the senior devil taught the young devil exactly how to lead people to focus on the big ideas of faith instead of humbly relying on God each day. It was quite refreshing and calming to me.

Everything has a season. Maybe I am having the season of resting. As long as I am still holding onto God, I shouldn't feel bad about not seeing any dramatic change in my or other's life. It is great that some people are witnessing life transformation, like what I heard at church today, but it is not necessarily where God puts me right now.

Overall my relationships have been good. I still have some deep struggles in my marriage, where I really should put more trust in God's power. Also, I got frustrated by a few friendships. But God knows my heart. He knows what I want and that I have been working on those issues. He has rewarded me for my efforts. And I have been blessed with some new friends in my life.

I liked chapter 29 in "the screwtape letters" a lot. It talks about how God uses dangerous times to test our virtues, how righteous action matters even though we might not have the right mind in us, and how we shouldn't let our fear or insurity control us (eg. having a backup plan is not really a good idea. Instead, we should stop overthinking and just trust in God). These messages speak to me. I pray God would help me carry them through.