hand it over
On Monday night I was tossing and turning in my bed, feeling that I was a failure all over again. I struggled with certain issues and I thought I was making progress, but it turned out there hadn't really been too much difference.
My guilt and self-disgust was so overwhelming that my heart was in physical pain.
Then I thought, wait a minute, this is not what God wants. This is exactly the opposite to what God wants from us. Self-improvement is good, until it becomes the stumbling block between us and the freedom God promised.
So I took a deep breath and said a little prayer. Dear God, I am sorry that I am a mess no matter how I try. Please take it over from here. You are the only one who can change a person from inside out. It was such a relief. Instantly I felt peace.
Similar struggle happened again last night.
Thinking about what to do on my birthday gave me such a big distress. I was feeling very broken and insecure about my friendships. Somehow I knew God wanted me to open up and step out of my comfort zone. But what if no one comes? I argued. Trust me. He said.
I said "alright, I will do what you say, but you need to give me a great time". So this morning I sent out my invitation. Several friends gave me positive response immediately, which greatly eased my nervousness. Now I actually look forward to my birthday party and spending time with my friends.
It is in our nature that we want to take control, either for our pride, or for avoiding being hurt. But it is such a beautiful thing to learn how to trust in God and hand over everything to him. It never fails that following his words yields what is the best for us.
My guilt and self-disgust was so overwhelming that my heart was in physical pain.
Then I thought, wait a minute, this is not what God wants. This is exactly the opposite to what God wants from us. Self-improvement is good, until it becomes the stumbling block between us and the freedom God promised.
So I took a deep breath and said a little prayer. Dear God, I am sorry that I am a mess no matter how I try. Please take it over from here. You are the only one who can change a person from inside out. It was such a relief. Instantly I felt peace.
Similar struggle happened again last night.
Thinking about what to do on my birthday gave me such a big distress. I was feeling very broken and insecure about my friendships. Somehow I knew God wanted me to open up and step out of my comfort zone. But what if no one comes? I argued. Trust me. He said.
I said "alright, I will do what you say, but you need to give me a great time". So this morning I sent out my invitation. Several friends gave me positive response immediately, which greatly eased my nervousness. Now I actually look forward to my birthday party and spending time with my friends.
It is in our nature that we want to take control, either for our pride, or for avoiding being hurt. But it is such a beautiful thing to learn how to trust in God and hand over everything to him. It never fails that following his words yields what is the best for us.
posted by beneathwing at 1:07 PM
1 Comments:
If you had any doubts about your progress then this story should remove those doubts...it takes a ton of spiritual maturity to recognize and act on God's guidance. Remember this...it will be a useful weapon the next time you are attacked with these doubts.
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