climbing the mountain
“…coz God won’t make a mountain I can’t climb” is one of the verses in the song “it’s getting better all the time” by Brooks & Dunn.
Recently when I feel down or want to give up, I think of this verse. Tonight before calling Jia, I was about to cry. I set my mind to get certain part of the writing done, however I have the deep fear that I will fail again.
The mountain in front of me is not my thesis, or defense, or job. It’s myself and it always was. I am afraid that I don’t have what it takes. I am afraid that I will never change but my luck will turn around. I am afraid that I will have a miserable life simply because I didn’t try my best.
Many times I told myself that it’s not a big deal giving it up. I have been very much blessed. Not being able to accomplish certain things won’t affect my life. I probably never have to worry seriously about not having a place to live or food to eat. My family and my husband have been incredibly supportive of what I do. I know they will be fine with me not getting the degree.
However, I can never get rid of the worries. So it’s just me struggling against myself. To most people, it doesn’t make sense giving up at the point so close to the end. To me, it is a matter of being able to hold on. I feel if anything bad comes up in the future, it won’t take long to crush my spirit. It has been too easy for me to give up. Why not now? The whole process is in fact learning to build the characters that have been missing in me.
I once tried indoor rock climbing. At half way my arms and hands felt extremely tired and I wanted to give up, but my teammate refused to let me down if I didn’t reach the top. So one by one step while pleading constantly, I finally made it to the top. That was one of the greatest moments in my life. Every second on my way up I struggled so much and honestly thought I didn’t have what it took, but I was surprised by myself.
Now I have the same feeling. I am so exhausted and tired that quitting seems so tempting. But there is another voice cheering and telling me that I can make it. All I need to do is one step forward at a time. Since I have been there before, I know it will be worthwhile. After reaching the top of this mountain, I will gain more perseverance, self-discipline and wisdom.
I guess this is how God works on me. He is preparing me for something bigger, as Paul said in Romans 5: “…but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” I need to fully trust God’s words and keep marching up no matter how difficult it might seem to be.
Recently when I feel down or want to give up, I think of this verse. Tonight before calling Jia, I was about to cry. I set my mind to get certain part of the writing done, however I have the deep fear that I will fail again.
The mountain in front of me is not my thesis, or defense, or job. It’s myself and it always was. I am afraid that I don’t have what it takes. I am afraid that I will never change but my luck will turn around. I am afraid that I will have a miserable life simply because I didn’t try my best.
Many times I told myself that it’s not a big deal giving it up. I have been very much blessed. Not being able to accomplish certain things won’t affect my life. I probably never have to worry seriously about not having a place to live or food to eat. My family and my husband have been incredibly supportive of what I do. I know they will be fine with me not getting the degree.
However, I can never get rid of the worries. So it’s just me struggling against myself. To most people, it doesn’t make sense giving up at the point so close to the end. To me, it is a matter of being able to hold on. I feel if anything bad comes up in the future, it won’t take long to crush my spirit. It has been too easy for me to give up. Why not now? The whole process is in fact learning to build the characters that have been missing in me.
I once tried indoor rock climbing. At half way my arms and hands felt extremely tired and I wanted to give up, but my teammate refused to let me down if I didn’t reach the top. So one by one step while pleading constantly, I finally made it to the top. That was one of the greatest moments in my life. Every second on my way up I struggled so much and honestly thought I didn’t have what it took, but I was surprised by myself.
Now I have the same feeling. I am so exhausted and tired that quitting seems so tempting. But there is another voice cheering and telling me that I can make it. All I need to do is one step forward at a time. Since I have been there before, I know it will be worthwhile. After reaching the top of this mountain, I will gain more perseverance, self-discipline and wisdom.
I guess this is how God works on me. He is preparing me for something bigger, as Paul said in Romans 5: “…but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” I need to fully trust God’s words and keep marching up no matter how difficult it might seem to be.
posted by beneathwing at 4:18 PM
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