time to say goodbye

Today I was making this "you-broke-our-hearts" cd for the French girl we are working with, who will leave us in a week. I suddenly felt sad.

The truth is that one of my dearest friends is leaving soon too. Tonight I hung out with her for a few hours and probably we won't be able to do that for the next few years. When I left her apartment, she asked if we should have a hug.

Both of us are the kind of persons who pretend to be strong and try not to show strong feelings in front of others. So my first instinct was to play cool again. Then I stopped and hugged her. I know if I didn't do that, I was going to regret it.

But, why can't we stay with our beloved ones? Why is it so hard to say goodbye?

God wants us to love with our hearts. It seemed all the loves would bring pains. Sometimes I just want to hold back my feelings so that I won't get hurt again. Because even if we are lucky enough to spend a lifetime with the ones we love, death will set us apart. There will be great grief.

Brian was wishing that the airplane he was going to take would crash so that he could go home. I often felt the same way too. Only in heaven, we will be able to experience the love with God with the absolute security. So what am I doing here? Please take me with you, God.

However, I wonder if it's because I truly want to be with God, or it's because I want to escape from all the responsibilities and trivial things I have to deal with everyday and in the future. Possibly both.