Heaven

I didn't take any serious interest in heaven until recently.

It started with one day in Vegas. I was in the hotel, having all kinds of stuff going on in mind and feeling somewhat depressed by the reality. Then I was thinking: if I desire something better than this life, what would it be?

Some christians talked about heaven as if it is some privilege or benefit for being a christian and sometimes use this to attract non-christians. I won't say what they are doing is totally wrong, if they do know what heaven is really about. After all, it is a way to get people to take interest in christianity in the first place.

However, as C.S.Lewis said, "the moment we attempt to use our faith in the other world for this purpose, that faith weakens." By saying "this purpose", he only meant the hope of being with the earthly beloved in heaven. Not to mention some material desire I heard from people when they talked about heaven.

God promised our life to the fullness in heaven, but having a full life can only be the result not the reason, according to my understanding.

To be honest, if heaven is where every so-called christian will be, I am not sure that I want to be there. Although I dare not to judge whether or not a christian has real faith, I respect those who have shown me that and from them I see the reflection of God's glory.

After coming back from my trip, I kept shooting questions about heaven at Brian. Basically, I asked him what his vision of heaven is. Also, will we be able to be with our loved ones in heaven? He gave very clear answers in his entry about heaven.

Since none of my family members is christian, I am having difficulties with the second question. I can bear being apart from them for eternity although I don't want to, but I can't bear even the slightest possiblity that they would be suffering in hell. It breaks my heart each time I think of this.

The comfort can only come from the absolute faith in God. I need to accept that God is just and he loves me this much. All the goodness, love, wisdom and beauty we see in our beloved ones is all coming from God and revealed by him. Lewis said, "when we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it......by loving him more than them(earthly beloved) we shall love them more than we now do."

Even so, it is still hard for me to imagine how I can feel complete joy and peace when the day comes. There is really nothing I can do besides learning about God and trying to love and trust him.

I wondered if there is a timeline for going to heaven. If people are judged by God face to face after they die, do they get another chance to stay with him? Like those who never had chance to know him, will he allow people to fall in love with him during the final judgement?

Do people who commit suicide must go to hell? What if they ask for forgiveness right before their last breath, assuming that they are not taking advantage of God's forgiveness?

I guess I will probably never know the answer until the day I stand before him.

It might be just my illusion, ,but I was talking to God the other day and through a half-opened door he let me catch a glimpse at where I would be after I die. I saw light, garden and people. And there was joy. I felt God was telling me that I should put more faith in him and there is nothing to worry about.

To me, heaven should be the place where I am with the people I deeply love. Nothing else matters. I desire to go to heaven only if I fall in love with God.

I believe this is also what he wants.