distance

Recently I have felt broken-hearted. Things are fine in my life. However, I missed God. It felt like he was playing hide-and-seek with me. When I prayed at night, it was more like a routine than a sincere talk. I read the Bible, but nothing much was left in my head. I was trying to contribute more to the church, but I was doubting my own relationship with God.

I thought I was walking towards the right direction because of all the things I had been doing. I was very frustrated with God because I felt I was nowhere closer to him. Since he seemed absent, I even started to make excuses again so that I could do something and pretended it was alright with him. Now as I sit down and look into our relationship, I wonder if he was using the distance to tell me something, something that I remembered by the words but have forgotten to practice for a while.

What he wants from me the most is not me reading the Bible or doing things for him. He wants a real and genuine relationship with me. He wants me to share with him my life and soul. He wants me to invite him into my heart. And my heart is what I am presenting to him.